Reasons why I will boycott the Space Jam sequel starring LeBron James
This is not a vent post, this is the absolute truth. Please reblog or share to the max because this is to preserve not only the art of sports and film, but the lively hood of childhood’s from the 1990’s is at stake. Please note, I am not a hater, I am just trying to get a point across to a lot of ignorant minds.
First, if you know me well enough I like to call myself a film nut. I know the greatest movie of all time is The Godfather, but in parody to one of my favorite television shows (Always Sunny in Philadelphia), I like to say the greatest movie of all time is Space Jam. Why? Recap for my friends born before the 21st century; 1) What is the greatest cartoon of all human existence? Well, in the modest opinion it is Looney Tunes. Sure, we have South Park today and if you’re an old timer who considers Disney cartoons are the best, let me drop some knowledge on you. Not only was it vulgar and profound, it was beyond entertaining. I remember waiting at home for my father to come home so we can watch reruns of the show on Cartoon Network so we can share the laughs. Still to this day, Bugs Bunny is my favorite cartoon character. I can go on and on about this cartoon, but I need to get to my next point. Reason number 2) aside from Muhammad Ali, the greatest athlete of the 20th century and set the revolution for the game of basketball was His Airness himself, Michael Jordan. I was born in Chicago during the time of the Jordan era. My aunt says I came out of the womb wearing Air Jordans. I do not need to go down the list and the resume of Michael Jordan to tell you how great he is. So when you put the two together, what do you get? The greatest childhood movie known in existence known as Space Jam. If you haven’t seen it, you need to stop what you are doing now and watch that movie, because I don’t know what you missed during the 1990’s. If you’re just lazy, then look up the summary on Wikipedia or IMDB, because I am far from finished.
Now, I will say again, I am not a hater. I am very impressed with LeBron James’ career so far, as a matter of fact, he is falling right in Jordan’s footsteps after endorsements, championships, and popularity of being almost the same caliber of what Michael Jordan performed in his career. James will probably pass Jordan in a good majority of his statistics when he is finished with his career, but we cannot star the greatest basketball player currently in a sequel to a movie that is perfect. It cannot be done, period. Everything was covered in the first Space Jam, how and why would you make a sequel to this movie? With all do respect, Mr. James, I do not believe you should go through with this. I know you’re trying to do anything in your power to surpass the great Michael Jordan, but this is something you need to leave untouched from the studio of Warner Brothers. Now before I begin, if you haven’t seen the movie, I’m about to spoil a lot of information from the movie. SO, if you’re some one who still hasn’t seen it, stop reading this post or watch the movie and come back to this.
I can go on and on with the long list of reasons why this movie should not be made and here is every reason I have come up with to point out WHY a sequel should not be even thought of:
- I can walk down the street an ask a handful of random kids, between ages 4 and 8 let’s say, cannot tell me what the show Looney Tunes is. Even if they did, they probably could not name other characters other than Bugs Bunny. The spoiled generation with the children growing up now have different cartoons that probably have safer stuff to air than Looney Tunes. After all, with how vulgar and expressive the cartoon was, a lot of today’s parents will find the show offensive for their sensitive children. The reboot with the new Looney Tunes is not even close to what it used to be. How are we suppose to know all the behaviors of the original characters if we have to result to a stupid remake? We should have learned our lesson with that last decade with Star Wars, and I am biting my nails for that sequel as well.
- For the life events that happened in Michael Jordan’s life, it made sense that he participated in Space Jam. There are some Chicago natives my age who poke fun at the idea that the film is a documentary on what Jordan was truly doing when he was not playing for the Chicago Bulls. Getting side tracked, but LeBron James has not even faced the same events. Even if he does win a third title this year, we’re not going to see James quit basketball and play baseball or football. I don’t care is he wants to race NASCAR, it still would not lead up well to a great sequel. Plus, the time Jordan won his first three championships, he had to turn away from the game for some personal issues. Sure there is reasons because of his father’s murder or his gambling issues, but the world was not ready for a player like Jordan. After all, he was a big inspiration for LeBron Jame to play basketball professionally, and a long list of players including him. Point is, there is no B.S. story to set Lebron up into a Space Jam sequel.
- Please tell me, Brothers of Warner, on who would play the villain characters in this movie? The alien approach was very creative, but at the end of the movie, I believe they made their peace with the cartoon characters. So who would be the antagonist? The aliens cousins off of Moron Mountain? Even that sounds ridiculous. Also, having a character played by Danny DeVito, who would you have contribute as the lead villain? I draw blanks every time because I believe Looney Tunes have made every villain possible for their cartoons. And you couldn’t even make it a political evil character either, that’s what we have Trey Parker and Matt Stone for. No antagonist of the story? Then it’s not even a movie then, waste of money.
- At the time, there were other popular basketball players that participated in the filming of the movie; including Muggsy Bogues, Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, and even basketball legend Larry Bird. They all played an important part of the plot where the aliens took the professional player’s talent (aside from Bird) so that they gained their natural abilities to beat the Looney Tunes after they challenged them in a game of basketball. So who would LeBron James convince to partake in this sequel? Ewing and Barkley were rivals of Jordan of the time, why wouldn’t you ask Carmelo Anthony and Kevin Durant to participate in the movie? Well seeing the Carmelo has other priorities and Durant has already made a kids basketball movie, I really would not see it in the card. Finally, what basketball legend would participate as Lebron’s friend in the film? Because I would bet millions of dollars that Kobe Bryant or Shaq would be in Space Jam sequel.
- If you don’t know who Bill Murray is, you need a reality check. There is a reason why Woody Harrelson’s character goes nuts over the actor in Zombieland, even though they starred in a movie together before then. But, for the short lines Murray has in the movie, they’re still great one liners and contributes to the victory with Jordan winning in the basketball game against the aliens. So who would replace him and contribute with LeBron James? Next person to tell me Kevin Hart, I will shoot them in the face. Hart is no Murray and even though they have two different styles of comedy, it still would not work, very similar to comparing the careers of Jordan and James. Yes, Hart can play basketball, but everything else Murray contributed to the film was remarkable. Finally, Murray has had more movies than Hart has in a main role or side role, Hart has participated in goofy movies even before his break out role (see Scary Movie 3, Epic Movie, and Along Came Polly to see his cameo). Short and simple, no one can fill Bill Murray’s show, and I’ll take that bet.
- The soundtrack for the movie won Grammy’s and went six times platinum in sales. R. Kelly’s career blossomed with the soundtrack to this movie, there have been movies that reference the song “I Believe I can Fly” even as jokes for punchlines. As uplifting as a song, it was perfect during the time period it was released, which is why we still love the 90’s. So tell me, James, who are you going to cover that one? You’re good friend Drake? Even the thought of him making an R&B song to Space Jam sequel sounds scary, it just really is not meant to be. Even if you made an awesome record to the movie, it would not even sell double platinum, I don’t care if you threw the Wu-Tang in there.
- Even if it wasn’t LeBron James, you can’t find another sports star to participate in a movie like this. JAM is a slang word for “dunk” in the basketball. So you’re not going to get Andy Murray to star in a tennis movie and call it “Space Ace” or find Tiger Woods and call it “Intergalactic Holes” with the Looney Tunes and play in game against aliens doing that. That too even sounds weird.
- Lola Bunny was introduced to be a counterpart character for Bugs Bunny so that he eventually found true love with the help from his pal Michael Jordan, do not tell me LeBron James is going to help Daffy Duck find true love with Gorgeous Goose or something along the lines. Even if you brought a new character for Bugs Bunny to find a new love interest, how did you kill of Lola Bunny? Everyone will want to know what happened to her. Yet of course, if you want to do something that they broke up and come back together, but I’m sure kids want to figure that out at a very young age; don’t they Warner Brothers?
- The film was first inspired from a commercial shot with Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny. There has not been one commercial where I see LeBron James getting lobs from Spongebob Squarepants. And we all know Spongebob, he can’t even lift, how the hell would he dribble a basketball. It is even the evil grace of Satan if any other cartoon replaced the Looney Tunes is a sequel of this movie, it just would not make any sense at all.
- Finally, I can even fathom on how the box office, reviews, or merchandise of the movie would even be possible. If I could, I would rock my Tune Squad, Jordan jersey all day. I would die if I saw them being worn with James’ name on the back. Critics found the movie actually good, and was excitingly entertaining. We all know how sequels go, there either really bad or down right awful. I understand when LeBron James comes to town, he sells seats, and he probably would at the silver screen; but that would be so short lived and would be a box office flop in less than a month. It might as well go straight to blu-ray or DVD, to your local redbox near you.
So there are ten simple reasons why I think the movie should not be even considered a thought. Space Jam was already a masterpiece to begin with. It was during Jordan’s time and remain untouched. If LeBron James really wanted to make a kids movie that bad, then he should really work with a different cartoon of this time, like Regular Show or Spongebob Squarepants, but we all know that would stir a frenzy. Kids nowadays wouldn’t even appreciate it. Space Jam was perfect for it’s time and I’m glad I was apart of it. There will be nothing like it and never will be. So do us a favor Warner Brothers, let’s just not consider it. LeBron James should just have a video game, let’s see Nintendo pick that up and team up with Mario. That will at least bring sales for the Wii U for the company.
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